I love the idea of love



 We often romanticize the notion of relationships a static, simple arrangements. Like a parents love. You never questioned a mother's love. It was just there. We didn't see the ugly side of relationships until later in life when we learn that there are many facets to a dynamic and changing set of expectations. I'm not pointing out the negativity and ugliness. I'm illustrating the maturity of having ones eyes opened to reality. As children, we see the beauty of Cinderella's castle. As adults we see the gift shop inside. This is not a bad thing. We learn to accept life for what it is. We learn to accept our relationships as they are. The ugliness comes from within us as bitterness. We are bitter, because we learned to accept things as they are. We are all too happy to point out the dirt and grime of thousands who have trudged through the tunnel of Cinderella's castle. Few of us acknowledge the daily grind of the janitors that maintain and clean. They represent our attempts to keep our bitterness in check. 

I want change. But i must ask myself truthfully how much change I can tolerate. A new home? Children? A wife? All life changing decisions. A new car? Painting the walls? Having a yard sale? Trying a different brand of coffee? There's different levels of change. How willing am I to let go of the life I have for a new one? 

We all ask this of ourselves. No one wants to her the answer. I sent twenty dollars to the Cousin. She says her baby belongs to me. I truly don't believe her. I have Justice lying next to me. I deserve better than a heartless addict using me for convenience. Yet here we are, lying in bed. It's reverse psychology. She said she'd be here at 11am. At 11pm I tell her don't come here, stay away. I wake up at 4am and she's lying next to me wearing nothing but one of my long sleeve shirts. Lying on her side with her ass exposed to me. No panties on. I easily get excited and slip it in. She's inviting and encouraging. After a night of fighting, she knows how to keep my placated. 


Comments

  1. degenerateDecember 21, 2024 at 9:43 PM

    All my friends from Hs that I kept in touch with are married, or mostly divorced, a few still together. Ive heard the endless stories from them regarding their challenges and compromises, there are good and bad to the stories. I look at myself being solo, and im happy. I have what i want to a degree, good on food and rent and car. only deal with my problems. selfish? maybe but its for my own good and benefit, and if I dont handle my own I can never handle 2.
    Old native saying "you can never love another, until you learn to love yourself"

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