The nightmares have started

 I hear the buzzer. I let her in. She goes out on the porch. She stays there till morning. No fooling around. I drop her off. 

A day passes. 

I get home from work, play on the phone, lie on the couch. I hear that familiar high pitched, nasal ranting outside the window. She’s at the door with her friend, a homeless cripple. They have a ton of stolen items in the hallway and a mountain bike. 

She insists the items were not stolen, and that they had a receipt. I didn’t press further. Why bother? I called a Spanish cab for them. The lower tier Uber/taxi. She came upstairs. She went out onto the porch. She smoked crack. She used a pen of mine to push it. I was pissed she didn't ask. That pen was given to me by the doctor's office that performed my eye surgery years ago. Instead of apologizing, she acted upset, inconvenienced, and annoyed that I made such a big deal over nothing. This is gaslighting by a narcissist. Never put up with this. She put it back together and handed it over. I returned it to the shelf. 

Understand that there is no lesson to be learned. No show of force. None of that nonsense. A narcissist will never understand another's point of view. They will never understand that what they do is wrong. I simply got my pen back. 

I have a brother that's the same way. The kind of brother that will take food off of someone's plate and then complain, saying, "what's your problem? Why are you so upset. I just took a bite!" He may even go so far as to spit it back out and return it to you since you can't even share, calling you a greedy jerk. These people are what I like to think of as non-violent sociopaths, though they can easily become violent if provoked. Don't be fooled by this behavior either. Though they can't perceive their actions and attitudes to be negative attributes, they do know that they are trying to get away with something and become upset when things don't go their way. This is why you often find people like this in positions of power. They dominate, like hunters. To them, everyone is just a bitch to be dominated. They have to come out on top. Of two sons, both are pitiful. One does not live up to my brother's expectations, and is shunned and bullied by him. The other does, even becoming the quarterback and living the American dream. I see through this facade. My brother needlessly pressures his son to perform. After two winning touchdowns in a recent game, he was pulled by the coach so that others could play. My brother was livid. My nephew was upset, thinking, "what does the coach want from me? I'm doing the best I can! It's never enough!" He doesn't see it. The coach is not holding him to the same standards as his father. The coach isn't even thinking about him. Living in a microcosm is typical of any teenager, but he must live this way through the lens of his father. They both left the field upset at the end of the game. I couldn't understand it. My nephew, the quarterback with a beautiful girlfriend, family that cares, and two winning touchdowns. And they are upset. A narcissist can never revel in a victory if he doesn't attain every objective. It’s either a complete win or a complete failure. To a narcissist, there is never compromise. I hope his son learns  that he doesn't need to acquire his father's flawed attitudes. 

Success hides flaws. Just look at Michael Jackson. He was an amazing success. How dare you question his abusive father on an obviously perfect upbringing? Maybe you need to re-examine your own parenting choices. A stern hand raised raises a disciplined child. All nonsense. All of it. Denying truth is lying to yourself. Many people learn to lie to themselves in adulthood. I'm happy with my fat wife. I can quit smoking whenever I want. Yeah, it's a gut, but I'm not fat. Not like those other fatasses around town. Keep lying to yourself. I don't have many friends for a reason I don't want them. Solitude is the Haven for those who do not want compromise. 

She complained that she slept alone. At some point in the night, she trudged off to bed. She said I could have joined her at any time. Even if she passed out immediately. I slept on the couch. 

Presently, she came back inside. I gathered my things, and called the cab again to ask where they were. Because they are a Spanish cab, communication is a major issue. After driving to the second wrong location, the cabbie gave up and refused to pick them up. I called the dispatch, but by now I had lost my composure and in a matter of moments I was arguing with a dial tone. 

I went upstairs to grab my keys. Fast forward ten minutes, and I'm driving my car, filled with two hoodlums, various stolen sundries, and a bicycle hanging out the back. 

After depositing the two and their belongings at their friend's house (a fence), I drove home, and returned to my couch, where I had started this missive.