Weekend update

 I got used to the love doll. I can already calculate the investment. Every time I use it, I stay away from another hooker and save a minimum of $60. It has already paid itself off. I'm fine with this, since I've been depressed over the brunette. I told her when we last spoke not to come over, she said she was. I told her I won't give her any money. "Whatever" was her reply, and I haven't seen or heard from her since. For sometime like her, that just uses people, I'm easy to cast off. The next John is in line waiting to give her more money than me anyway. For me, I feel like I'm trying to find away a dollar bill and even the beggars refuse my money. If I can't get a girl in her position to jump at the chance of a stable life, then I feel deeply flawed in some way that I can't see. How can I possibly get a regular girl to date me? Not even desperate drug addicts want me. Perhaps I'm kidding myself. Perhaps I'm looking at this with the wrong perspective. It's how I feel. It always sucks to walk away from something you wanted, especially when you know it's all a mirage.