I think my fuck toy gave me an STD.

 I may be wrong about this. I flunked out of medical school for a reason. But I've been on this toilet shitting like aNASA rocket and contemplating without success the last few culinary nightmares I managed to swallow in the last day or so. 

Maybe it was the stress of having to figure out how to pay taxes on earning over three thousand dollars on pornhub, which is not exactly something I want questioned by an accountant. I did keep half of the money for this reason, but I was wondering whether or not I should even pay it. I decided to err cautiously on paying taxes. I do not want to end up like Trump having to answer a lot of weather related questions before a judge.

Maybe it was the brunette, who convinced me that letting her stay was simply not a good idea. After all, that night she spent the entire time on the porch smoking crack. she’s been bugging me for $30 all day long. I finally gave her the money.

Maybe it was the Cousin, who told me she had an ultrasound to show me. We made plans to meet exactly at 4:15pm. So, when I got there on time, she was still in the house. She answered the phone.The concise version of the conversation goes as follows: her boyfriend, who is kicking the shit out of her in their tent. Last winter is now living in that trailer with the family. She says that he leaves at night to go back to his shelter. The returns during the daytime, I told her after some heated exchanges to call me when she is serious about things. 

Or maybe it was the bag of chili Fritos I couldn't put down. My asshole feels like a hooker giving discounts. I think all I need is better culinary planning, and less bitch screwing. I think I need to tap the blonde or the one with the tits of unusual size. High spirit, low maintenance.