These girls are sucking me dry...financially.

An overzealous libido and an inability to say no to a woman in distress (or dat dress) will cost you. I don’t mind spending the money because I don’t live a flashy, expensive life. Why go to work all day if you’re not gonna have fun with the money you earn? I don’t go on fancy vacations. I don't spend lavishly on clothes or cars. I don't have habits of any kind. 

So, I indulge myself with women that would never have touched me when I was 14. Snubbed in high school, cheated on in college, and lied to in my 20s. Women have taken advantage of me my whole life. 

And I'm fine with that. It's all part of the game. I now know how to get what I want, and I can even make them a little happy in the process.

So...I spent $363 in total to fuck three women four times over the course of twenty four hours. I seem to be narrowing my selection to just a few main girls. I keep turning down ancillary girls because I just don't have enough spunk to go around. 

The cousin took care of me all night, then the blonde showed up in the morning to fuck my brains out. Then the brunette has me pick up her and a friend from a fancy hotel. 

The brunette has been selling her ass escorting again. I hate it, but I'm helpless to do anything about it. That violates the first rule, and she and I both understand this. I can't support her habit financially. No one can. So, she'll suck anyone's dick if they can cough up the money. This doesn't change how I feel about her. I just have to suppress those feelings. Everyone knows you can’t make a housewife out of a whore.

I never understood the relationship between Robert De Niro and Sharon Stones' characters in the movie Casino. Not until I had to experience it firsthand. Once you understand drug addicts, this odd relationship makes perfect sense. This movie is a perfect portrayal of a straight laced man trying his best to have a relationship with a drug addict. Her irrational and irresponsible cheating, lying, stealing, not caring about family, running around with losers, pimps, and scumbags is accurate. And there's no way anyone can stop them from living that destructive lifestyle. 

I am fortunate that I never tried drugs or alcohol. I see the effects and know I would be just a bad as everyone else. Everyone who didn't think it would happen to them, and are now living lifestyles they never intended. They should all be happy. They have been poisoned. Their lives are derailed. 

Philip K Dick knew this. He wrote about this in A Scanner Darkly, with a touching poem at the end. An ode to fallen friends, who's lives have been ruined for playing this game.