Girls don’t have sex. They give a performance.

Girls look at sex a completely different way to us men. We lust after our next conquest. For these girls, sex is a tool. A simple means to an end. Their goal is to get high. That is the guiding principal behind all of their actions. That is the motivation behind every manipulation, every action, and every thought. Always scheming to get their next high. choice do they have? Like primitive man, who never knew where his next meal was coming from, they must constantly seek out new sources of revenue only to then seek out new sources of drugs. 

I allow myself to believe that this mess I get caught up on, insistent on my own participation, would be willing to even now believe that the girls, who do truly care about me, would have any other motivation than to get high. There is none. I know they care about me. There are many things they care about. None of these things matter. I am part of the collective collateral damage that encapsulates their self destructive lives. 

Unfortunate. But I have my limits. Perhaps I'm railing against my own ego, unable to accept that these girls cannot be expected to change their chaotic lifestyle. They are so deeply hurt, they expect others to adapt to their personalities, rather than change one iota more than they absolutely have to, having reached their limits of compromise.

I still can't accept that the cousin spent all night trying to get high, rather than coming over, and the brunette continued to follow the trend of girls staying out on the porch all night, rather than inside with me. Is my company so intolerable? 

I have no doubt the cousin will be Beck with her abusive boyfriend, as she texted me earlier that she ignored his begging and pleas for her to return to him. I know she will. There's a comfort in knowing what to expect. She knows the conditions are terrible. She knows he's violently abusive. But she also knows that she can find certainty there in that tent, rather than dealing with uncertainty. Even I fear the night when one is uncertain of where to go, where to stay, where to get drugs, and how to survive the cold night. She can go into the comfort of a tent with a man who will provide these things to her, but at a high cost. 

To these girls, that is better than the alternative of not knowing where to go.