It bothers me.



 I know this is nothing more than the lizard part of my brain deep down telling me that I’m bothered by it. This feeling of jealousy is purely instinctual. Just like if someone took some food off your plate, you immediately think, "that's my food!" Even though you're sitting at a buffet. 

So when I discover online that the brunette is with her boyfriend, of which she insists that they are not together anymore, and in a cheap hotel turning tricks, this bothers me. I can never have her over and be able to trust her again, because she's a drug addict, and she and the bf stole from me during a time when I did trust her. So, other than great sex, there is no future with this girl. 

This brings me back to something I was speaking about earlier. With hookers, you’re not building anything. There is no relationship. You’re simply using a woman to jerk off. I must constantly remind myself, because I want to believe otherwise. It isn’t human nature to want to believe that you can build a life with people you meet. This violates the first rule. Because you have to build a life around her lifestyle, and that is just not something that is what anyone is willing to do.


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